I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
