I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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