ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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