Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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