Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
