I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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