So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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