So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
