I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
