he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
