***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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