Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
