i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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