I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This baby is an asshole
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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