I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
