well I can't set my house on fire every night
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
