Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
