I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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