Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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