That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
