one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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