sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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