i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
