ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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