I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
