oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
