Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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