I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
