I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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