Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
His nipple licking is glorious
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