Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
