Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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