Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
