if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
