Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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