you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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