Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
