HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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