Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
