Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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