I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I need a beard to bite.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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