Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cannot find my penis.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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