I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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