dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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