I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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