my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
