Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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