he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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