At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
