We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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