I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
