Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
