I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
