Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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