Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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