Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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