Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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