That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
