I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
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I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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