just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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