wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
